I really try hard not to focus on the discomforts or negatives about being pregnant. For one, what good does it do? It's not something that I can change in the next 5 months. For another thing, I find it a little insensitive to go on and on about how much pregnancy may suck when there are so many women who are desperate to conceive. I remember when we were trying, or right after my miscarriage whenever I heard a girl complain about pregnancy symptoms, I wanted to scream, "I will gladly trade places with you!" So, for those reasons, I try to steer clear of complaining.
However, there are a few outside factors of pregnancy that bother me. These aren't things happening to my body, but things that I have to deal with (and every other pregnant woman) that get under my skin.
Prenatal "Exercises": I have been trying hard to keep up exercise throughout my pregnancy. I've been doing pretty well. I average working out about 4 times per week. The intensity of my exercising has definitely decreased, but I still want to feel like I am doing SOMETHING! For my first trimester, my doctor gave me the go ahead to go out as I used to prior to becoming pregnant, only to not let my heart rate sky rocket and to not do any hard core, repetitive jumping. Great! Once my second trimester came, I became more aware of my growing belly. I didn't want to bend too sharply or lay on my stomach. So I thought it would be a good time to transition to exercises specifically for a gestater, such as myself. Guys, these work outs are LAME! LAME LAME LAME! I did a prenatal yoga routine that had me sitting on my butt for the ENTIRE exercise! What?! And then I tried a cardio one. It seriously went like this: "Carefully march in place....CAREFUL....ok, now when you feel ready, start to raise your arms....ok, we are going to do this for about 5 minutes straight.BE CAREFUL! Ok, you're done!" I find these exercises incredibly condescending. I tried one last one yesterday and decided to give up on them. From now on, I'm just gonna stick with my girl Jillian Michaels and modify when she wants me to jump.
Being Seen As Fragile: I get it! Pregnancy is a big deal, and it is important for moms-to-be to take care of themselves. But for the love! People ask like if they blow on me I'll shatter into tiny pieces. I went to a bridal shower last week and I had MULTIPLE people comment on how I shouldn't be doing something because it was too heavy/too heavy. These tasks included: carrying a large bowl of potato salad, standing up and cooking, carrying a box full of table cloths, helping someone else take down a table (which was always touching the floor), and carrying empty serving bowls. I know no one means no harm when they tell me, "Oh, you shouldn't be carrying that/doing that!" but it gets a little old. I also know the people who say it care about me and my baby and many of them are people that I care about as well (Jordan is among the guilty). I guess part of me takes it the wrong way, as if someone is telling me, "I know better than you do about your body," or "You don't know how to take care of yourself or your baby." That's something that I have to deal with, I suppose. My fellow pregnant friend agreed with me when I was venting to her the other day, and she explained that when my third trimester comes, I won't mind the excuse not to carry things around, so I guess I should just wait til that day comes.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Monday, September 30, 2013
Home
We are under contract to buy a house. Like, with a mortgage and equity and other grown up words that scare me! We are so excited to have a house together (we have both been apartment dwellers since starting school at BYU), and we feel this is a good decision for us. Still, it scares the crap out of me. Our realtor has been incredibly helpful and is holding our hand through the process and meeting with us for each step of the way.
But it's still scary.
I worry about dumb things, like "Oh, the fire place is gas only! Our kid will be confused how Santa gets down it!" or "What if our neighbors are mean?" or "What if Jordan gets hit by a car on his bike and I am left a widow/single mother with a friggin HOUSE in OKLAHOMA???"
Welcome to my mind, folks. It's not pleasant.
For the most part, we feel like this is a smart move for us. We really want to stay in the area we live in currently (which is super close to Jordan's work, has one of the best school districts in the state, and has a very low crime rate), and we know for sure we want to live in a house when the baby comes. I really don't want to have to carry a car seat back and forth between our apartment and the complex parking lot. Plus, we only have two bedrooms and our second bedroom is full of TONS of stuff. We looked at renting houses in our area and the rental price of a home is very close to the monthly payment our house will be. Plus, I reeeeeally want a dog, but refused to get one until I have a yard.
But it's still scary.
Our closing date is November 8, and we plan to move in sometime shortly after that.
We are quickly learning that adulthood is dang expensive, but it has its perks.
But it's still scary.
I worry about dumb things, like "Oh, the fire place is gas only! Our kid will be confused how Santa gets down it!" or "What if our neighbors are mean?" or "What if Jordan gets hit by a car on his bike and I am left a widow/single mother with a friggin HOUSE in OKLAHOMA???"
Welcome to my mind, folks. It's not pleasant.
For the most part, we feel like this is a smart move for us. We really want to stay in the area we live in currently (which is super close to Jordan's work, has one of the best school districts in the state, and has a very low crime rate), and we know for sure we want to live in a house when the baby comes. I really don't want to have to carry a car seat back and forth between our apartment and the complex parking lot. Plus, we only have two bedrooms and our second bedroom is full of TONS of stuff. We looked at renting houses in our area and the rental price of a home is very close to the monthly payment our house will be. Plus, I reeeeeally want a dog, but refused to get one until I have a yard.
But it's still scary.
Our closing date is November 8, and we plan to move in sometime shortly after that.
We are quickly learning that adulthood is dang expensive, but it has its perks.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
The First Trimester
My first trimester started off great. I found out I was pregnant very early on, at about 3 weeks. From weeks 3-5, I felt sleepy, but otherwise great. I could exercise without any problems and my appetite was normal. I was craving salty things (like drinking straight chicken broth and eating dill pickles), but I wasn't sick at all. I gave my stomach props and thought, Maybe I will be one of the lucky ones who don't get sick at all.
Then week 6 came.
It was like a someone flicked a switch. One day, I was happily munching on veggies and cup-o-noodles, the very next morning the sight of cup-o-noodles in my pantry looked like death. All food looked disgusting and I felt like total crap. I tried to convince myself that it was all in my head. I did the ultimate test- I bought and cooked an artichoke. I have NEVER met an artichoke that I didn't like....until this one. I chocked it down and kept trying to convince myself to like it. No such luck. That's when I knew that this was the real deal.
All I ate for weeks was graham crackers and milk. I would try to force feed myself healthy things, but usually would end up gagging. One day I remember I held up an apple and declared, "I'm gonna eat this!!" I only was able to get down about 4 bites and I surrendered. What was odd is I only threw up a handful of times, but when I did it was always after eating some type of fruit.
Though it sucked to hate the sight of food (going on pinterest and seeing meals was dreadful, and grocery shopping was overwhelming. Ew!), I tried to stay positive. I often reminded myself that I would rather feel miserable and be pregnant than feel great and not be pregnant. My friend gave me good advice too. She said, "Every day that I was sick, I felt like it was my baby telling me that it was still in there and alive." I held onto that as well.
Another weird thing that bothered me was textures. When we visited Jordan's parents in Tulsa for a weekend, my mother-in-law had just shampooed her carpets. Her carpets were nice and clean, but because they were slightly damp, they made feel sick. I vomited once just from the carpet, and then wore shoes the rest of the weekend.
When I was about 9 weeks along, we decided to share the news with Jordan's family. We gave Jordan's father a birthday present (it was at a party for him) that said: "Coupon good for one grandchild. Valid in March 2014." (Don't worry, we got him a real present, too.) The following week, we went to St. George for a family reunion with MY family, and when we were all in the same room, I came into the room wearing THIS shirt:
It was so fun to tell everyone! My nieces were excited. My 5 year old niece told me matter of factly, "When your baby is born, I hope it doesn't die." Me too, kid, me too.
Here are 2 tummy shots of the first trimester. I started to show toward the end....it's only going to get bigger, huh?
Then week 6 came.
It was like a someone flicked a switch. One day, I was happily munching on veggies and cup-o-noodles, the very next morning the sight of cup-o-noodles in my pantry looked like death. All food looked disgusting and I felt like total crap. I tried to convince myself that it was all in my head. I did the ultimate test- I bought and cooked an artichoke. I have NEVER met an artichoke that I didn't like....until this one. I chocked it down and kept trying to convince myself to like it. No such luck. That's when I knew that this was the real deal.
All I ate for weeks was graham crackers and milk. I would try to force feed myself healthy things, but usually would end up gagging. One day I remember I held up an apple and declared, "I'm gonna eat this!!" I only was able to get down about 4 bites and I surrendered. What was odd is I only threw up a handful of times, but when I did it was always after eating some type of fruit.
Though it sucked to hate the sight of food (going on pinterest and seeing meals was dreadful, and grocery shopping was overwhelming. Ew!), I tried to stay positive. I often reminded myself that I would rather feel miserable and be pregnant than feel great and not be pregnant. My friend gave me good advice too. She said, "Every day that I was sick, I felt like it was my baby telling me that it was still in there and alive." I held onto that as well.
Another weird thing that bothered me was textures. When we visited Jordan's parents in Tulsa for a weekend, my mother-in-law had just shampooed her carpets. Her carpets were nice and clean, but because they were slightly damp, they made feel sick. I vomited once just from the carpet, and then wore shoes the rest of the weekend.
When I was about 9 weeks along, we decided to share the news with Jordan's family. We gave Jordan's father a birthday present (it was at a party for him) that said: "Coupon good for one grandchild. Valid in March 2014." (Don't worry, we got him a real present, too.) The following week, we went to St. George for a family reunion with MY family, and when we were all in the same room, I came into the room wearing THIS shirt:
It was so fun to tell everyone! My nieces were excited. My 5 year old niece told me matter of factly, "When your baby is born, I hope it doesn't die." Me too, kid, me too.
Here are 2 tummy shots of the first trimester. I started to show toward the end....it's only going to get bigger, huh?
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Finding Out
I was planning on writing a more detailed account of our journey to pregnancy, but decided that at this time, I don't really feel like broadcasting it to the world. Instead, I'll give the short version: We had over a year of patience, prayers, discouragement, tears, worries, fasting, frustrating, and pills.
When it had been nearly a year since we began trying to conceive, we made an appointment with an OB that was known for helping with fertility issues. Our insurance didn't cover any fertility specialists, and a few friends from church recommended this doctor for help with getting pregnant, so we decided to give him a try. We were able to see him in June. During our initial appointment, he explained that based on my history and increasingly irregular/absent periods, it appeared that my body was just not wanting to ovulate. He was able to do an ultrasound which showed that I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (something that my Tulsa doctor said I DIDN'T have). He explained that he was going to place us on his "Infertility Protocol", which was an extremely detailed monthly plan of various prescription drugs, over the counter drugs, which days of the cycle to take them, checking cervical mucus (my favorite. Yuck!), and having monthly ultrasounds of my ovaries. My doctor explained that with all the patients he places on this regimen, 60% of them get pregnant within six months. I know for infertility, these are generally good odds, but all I heard when he said that statistic was "you have a 40% chance of still not being pregnant in six months." He explained that after six months of trying this protocol unsuccessfully, we would move on to more evasive procedures.On a positive note, he explained that since I was not having periods, he just declared that appointment day one of my cycle, which meant I could start the regimen that week!
Though it was a little overwhelming to begin a medication for "infertility", I tried to think positive. I felt proactive and hopeful. That day, we went straight to the pharmacy, got our collection of pills, and began that night. On day 9 of the regimen, it seemed as though I had ovulated. I found this confusing, since according to the protocol paperwork, I wasn't supposed to ovulated until day 13-16. On day 12, I went in for my ultrasound to check on my ovaries. My doctor said that everything looked normal (though there were several string of pearl cysts) and on the ultrasound there appeared to be en egg ready to go. He predicted that I would ovulate within the next 48 hours. I told him that I had some ovulation symptoms a few days prior, and he explained that it is possible to ovulate twice with the medications that I was on, or it was possible that I hadn't ovulated when I thought I had.
Over the next two days, each ovulation test I took was negative. Then the next day. Then the next. I was getting a little discouraged because I thought this meant that my body was still not ovulating. Then I took a new test the following morning, and it was positive. I had no other ovulation symptoms other than the test. The next day I took an ovulation test and it was positive. "Ok, this is normal, " I thought. But then the next two days, both of my daily ovulation tests were positive. It's pretty much impossible to ovulate for 4 days. I was a little confused about what the heck was going on.
The following morning was July 2nd. I woke up at 4:00 am having to pee. I am supposed to take my ovulation tests during my first bathroom break of the morning, so I did my thaaang and got yet ANOTHER positive ovulation test. WHAT THE CRAP?! That's when I had a light bulb go off. I thought that maybe all these positive ovulation tests had something to do pregnancy. I got out a pregnancy test and took it. We always use the ClearBlue digital test because it is very accurate and easy to read. I HATE that test though because after you wet the test, it has this obnoxious blinking digital sand timer that blinks and blinks and blinks and then the words "NOT PREGNANT" pop up. This time, after I wet the test I set it aside to avoid the blinking anxiety. After a few minutes, I dared to look at the test and this is what I saw:
I was so surprised! I immediately took out the second test and this time I sat and watched the dang blinking sand timer. Sure, enough, it read "pregnant" as well. So there I was, 4:00 in the morning, alone in our bathroom, so giddy that I was about to scream. I had idea what to do. Should I wake up Jordan? Should I wait until he gets up at 7:00? Should I surprise him with a fancy dinner when he gets home from work? I decided that there was NO way that I could wait any longer. I ran back into our room and start kissing Jordan all over his cheeks (something he doesn't mind when he's awake but HATES when he is asleep, and being the good wifey that I am I made sure to do it). He grumbled, "Hmph! What...What is it?" I whispered in his ear, "I'm pregnant". His voice suddenly became less groggy. "Wait, What?! What? Really?!" I showed him my two new positive pregnancy trophies. He was super excited, and after a few minutes said, "I'm so happy....is it ok if I go back to sleep?"
I left him alone to rest but there was NO way I was going back to sleep. I was WAY too pumped on adrenaline. Not only was I happy about my pregnancy, I was soooo thrilled that the treatment I was on worked for the first cycle. If it was possible, I would've have given my baby making parts fist bumps. "Way to go ladies! Nice team work!" July 2nd, 2013 was a wonderful, wonderful day.
When it had been nearly a year since we began trying to conceive, we made an appointment with an OB that was known for helping with fertility issues. Our insurance didn't cover any fertility specialists, and a few friends from church recommended this doctor for help with getting pregnant, so we decided to give him a try. We were able to see him in June. During our initial appointment, he explained that based on my history and increasingly irregular/absent periods, it appeared that my body was just not wanting to ovulate. He was able to do an ultrasound which showed that I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (something that my Tulsa doctor said I DIDN'T have). He explained that he was going to place us on his "Infertility Protocol", which was an extremely detailed monthly plan of various prescription drugs, over the counter drugs, which days of the cycle to take them, checking cervical mucus (my favorite. Yuck!), and having monthly ultrasounds of my ovaries. My doctor explained that with all the patients he places on this regimen, 60% of them get pregnant within six months. I know for infertility, these are generally good odds, but all I heard when he said that statistic was "you have a 40% chance of still not being pregnant in six months." He explained that after six months of trying this protocol unsuccessfully, we would move on to more evasive procedures.On a positive note, he explained that since I was not having periods, he just declared that appointment day one of my cycle, which meant I could start the regimen that week!
Though it was a little overwhelming to begin a medication for "infertility", I tried to think positive. I felt proactive and hopeful. That day, we went straight to the pharmacy, got our collection of pills, and began that night. On day 9 of the regimen, it seemed as though I had ovulated. I found this confusing, since according to the protocol paperwork, I wasn't supposed to ovulated until day 13-16. On day 12, I went in for my ultrasound to check on my ovaries. My doctor said that everything looked normal (though there were several string of pearl cysts) and on the ultrasound there appeared to be en egg ready to go. He predicted that I would ovulate within the next 48 hours. I told him that I had some ovulation symptoms a few days prior, and he explained that it is possible to ovulate twice with the medications that I was on, or it was possible that I hadn't ovulated when I thought I had.
Over the next two days, each ovulation test I took was negative. Then the next day. Then the next. I was getting a little discouraged because I thought this meant that my body was still not ovulating. Then I took a new test the following morning, and it was positive. I had no other ovulation symptoms other than the test. The next day I took an ovulation test and it was positive. "Ok, this is normal, " I thought. But then the next two days, both of my daily ovulation tests were positive. It's pretty much impossible to ovulate for 4 days. I was a little confused about what the heck was going on.
The following morning was July 2nd. I woke up at 4:00 am having to pee. I am supposed to take my ovulation tests during my first bathroom break of the morning, so I did my thaaang and got yet ANOTHER positive ovulation test. WHAT THE CRAP?! That's when I had a light bulb go off. I thought that maybe all these positive ovulation tests had something to do pregnancy. I got out a pregnancy test and took it. We always use the ClearBlue digital test because it is very accurate and easy to read. I HATE that test though because after you wet the test, it has this obnoxious blinking digital sand timer that blinks and blinks and blinks and then the words "NOT PREGNANT" pop up. This time, after I wet the test I set it aside to avoid the blinking anxiety. After a few minutes, I dared to look at the test and this is what I saw:
I left him alone to rest but there was NO way I was going back to sleep. I was WAY too pumped on adrenaline. Not only was I happy about my pregnancy, I was soooo thrilled that the treatment I was on worked for the first cycle. If it was possible, I would've have given my baby making parts fist bumps. "Way to go ladies! Nice team work!" July 2nd, 2013 was a wonderful, wonderful day.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Life is about to get more interesting....
We are having a baby! I am due in March, and we are thrilled....and a little scared.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Updates
I haven't blogged for a while, and mainly it is because I want to blog about our fantastic amazing, wonderful, and stomach-filling trip to Europe, but that has taken me much longer to write than I was anticipating. I still want to write about it so I can remember details, but now for I'll just update life since our trip.
First things first: I got a job. (Notice I didn't type "I got a job!!!!") I'm simply not a fan of work. But this job seems like it could potentially be a good fit for me. It's contract work, which means that I get to set my own hours and workload. I'm free from juggling my vacation days. I love being able to schedule a doctor appointment and not having to make sure I get permission from a supervisor ahead of time. However, I am learning that contract work is not all peaches and cream. Because they don't have to pay me until I actually see a client, there is not rush to me to that point. I feel like I have to be one that proactive in getting my paperwork completed and my billing applications completed. This is very different from my job in Tulsa. In Tulsa, I was a salaried employee, so any time during my job where I wasn't seeing a client or doing something billable and money wasted on me. They took care of business fast.
Second things second: Jordan loves his job!!!! (I feel exclamation points seemed fitting this time.) He loves his supervising doctor, he loves to tell me about cases he has (without identifying the patients in any way. Don't kill me, HIPAA). I'm happy to see him enjoying his work.
Third things third: Jordan's brother is engaged! It's exciting for the family. Jordan is the youngest and I know his mother is has been so anxious for his siblings to find good people to love and marry. We like his fiance a lot. I've only met her about three or four times because they started dating right before we moved, but I can tell she's great. I'm excited to have a new sister-in-law, and I am happy to pass the torch of "being the new family member" onto her. Their wedding is November 1st of this year.
Fourth things fourth: Jordan and I survived our fist camping trip together. We went with our good friends from Tulsa and had an awesome time (despite find over four tarantulas on our camp site).
And lastly, I am SO EXCITED for my immediate family's reunion next month. I miss my family so much. I've been in Oklahoma for over four years and the homesickness has yet to subside.
First things first: I got a job. (Notice I didn't type "I got a job!!!!") I'm simply not a fan of work. But this job seems like it could potentially be a good fit for me. It's contract work, which means that I get to set my own hours and workload. I'm free from juggling my vacation days. I love being able to schedule a doctor appointment and not having to make sure I get permission from a supervisor ahead of time. However, I am learning that contract work is not all peaches and cream. Because they don't have to pay me until I actually see a client, there is not rush to me to that point. I feel like I have to be one that proactive in getting my paperwork completed and my billing applications completed. This is very different from my job in Tulsa. In Tulsa, I was a salaried employee, so any time during my job where I wasn't seeing a client or doing something billable and money wasted on me. They took care of business fast.
Second things second: Jordan loves his job!!!! (I feel exclamation points seemed fitting this time.) He loves his supervising doctor, he loves to tell me about cases he has (without identifying the patients in any way. Don't kill me, HIPAA). I'm happy to see him enjoying his work.
Third things third: Jordan's brother is engaged! It's exciting for the family. Jordan is the youngest and I know his mother is has been so anxious for his siblings to find good people to love and marry. We like his fiance a lot. I've only met her about three or four times because they started dating right before we moved, but I can tell she's great. I'm excited to have a new sister-in-law, and I am happy to pass the torch of "being the new family member" onto her. Their wedding is November 1st of this year.
Fourth things fourth: Jordan and I survived our fist camping trip together. We went with our good friends from Tulsa and had an awesome time (despite find over four tarantulas on our camp site).
And lastly, I am SO EXCITED for my immediate family's reunion next month. I miss my family so much. I've been in Oklahoma for over four years and the homesickness has yet to subside.
How House Hunting is Exactly Like Dating
In April, Jordan and I had some friends stay with us for a few days. They were moving to OKC to stat a residency and wanted to find a place to live before their move. When Jordan told me about their plan to stay with us to look for a home, I said, "Hey, they should move into OUR apartment complex! That would be fun." Jordan replied, "Yeah, I told them that, but they said that they wanted to buy a house."
That was the first time when I seriously thought about buying a house. When our friends came and excitedly told us about the houses they were looking at, they exclaimed, "The houses around here are great! Our monthly payment will be LESS than what we pay on rent now!"
I put house hunting on the back burner of my brain for a while. Our Europe trip in May came and went (which I am STILL working on blogging about). In June, I started to really think about buying a home. We were going to be in OKC for a few more years, at least. We were hoping to have at least one kid in the next few years, and I have desperately wanted a dog since we were newly weds. We talked to the mortgage guy (or at least that is what I call him, I know he is not technically a broker), and ran some numbers and other adultish things. Our friends gave us the name of a realtor they used and loved, and we contacted her. We applied for a loan and got approved. My realtor started emailing pictures of houses. As Liz Lemon would say, "Things [were] happening!"
Jordan and I went out to a few houses in the area of town we want to live in with our realtor. She showed us about ten houses. Each house, there were things that I didn't love. Jordan is fairly easy to please. The very first house we looked at, he declared that he loved it and be happy to make an offer. I, on the hand, was thinking, "Huh...we'd have to paint this and that, that laundry room is small, the den doors are so dated, we would have to do SOMETHING to the front yard, etc." Jordan suggested that I was being too picky, and I responded, "I just want to find the best house for us!"
Then we found a lovely house. It was right in the neighborhood we liked. Jordan could still walk to work. The community was gated. The inside of the house was lovely. Once again, Jordan loved it, and once again, I liked it a lot and made a mental check list of all of its flaws.
A few days later, we discussed the houses we had seen and decided that the lovely house would be the one. We scheduled one more visit to it with our realtor, and after critically walking through it, I agreed that the house was wonderful and perfect for us. We made our offer (which was a bit lower than the asking price). The next day, our realtor called us and said that the owners had received a second offer on the house, but they wanted to the house to go to a nice young couple, so they were wondering if we could change our offer. We asked the owners to give us a counter offer. They gave us one, which was still a little more than we wanted to pay. We did our research of other houses in the neighborhood, as well as what their taxes were in 2012, yadda yadda yadda, and felt that the house was worth quite of much as they were asking. So we counter offered. For the next few days, our realtor called us and said that the owners really wanted to have the house be bought by a nice young family for their neighbors sake, and felt that we could be the ones, but they weren't sure about our offer. We gave another offer that was a little higher, and waited. We offered to have our contract extended to give them time to move. All the while, my realtor kept saying, " They really like you guys."
I spent that week day dreaming about paint, parties, and where I would put my furniture. I started to get so excited about "our house" and how wonderful it would be. Then, on Monday evening. our realtor called us and said, "Well, the other couple offered to pay cash and all of the closing costs for the house, so the owners are going with them." My heart sank. She excitedly told me, "But we will find you the PERFECT house! It happens all the time. I had a guy who lost four houses he put offers on and how he in the perfect house!" I thanked her for her help, went to my bedroom, and cried. And cried. And cried.
Why didn't we just accept their first counter offer? Why did I have to be so worried about the money? Why didn't we make an offer earlier? Why did I have to be so weird about the house at first? These were all thoughts that ran though my head for several days. My realtor began emailing me more houses to look at, and all I thought as I looked through their pictures was I hate ALL of these! I just want MY house!
I told Jordan that I just needed to focus on all the stuff that I hated about the house initially, and then I could feel better. It had a weird master bedroom layout. The front yard was too big and would take forever to mow. The den's floor was kinda weird. But the more I thought about the flaws, the less impact they had on me. I just missed our house.
Our realtor texted me a few days later asking if any of the houses she sent looked appealing and asked if I wanted to see any houses. I told her that I was still mourning our lost house, and I just needed to take a break for looking for a little bit. She texted how she just knew our perfect house was our there somewhere.
Let me tell, ya. House hunting is exactly like dating. For me, at least. Back in my single days, I was pretty picky with boys I would go out with. He doesn't seem to care about his future career. He is bald. He's got this annoying habit where he says, "That's groovy". He's too sarcastic. He is too serious. The critiques went on and on. Many were justifiable. Some were more shallow. For me, once I started dating a boy for a while, I was usually pretty reserved as far as making any commitment goes. The idea of being exclusive scared me. Usually once I became exclusive with a boy, I started to panic and their flaws would magnify. And then, in way or another, almost every relationship (which weren't very many) would end with me crying for days. I would worry about what I did to change their mind. The "if only's" and the "why didn't I's" would flood through my brain. And all my ex-boyfriends' annoying flaws seemed to disappear from my memory. When I would go out with a guy shortly after a break up, I would just think, I don't like this guy. I miss so-and-so. HE'S who I belong with. I've ruined everything.
But obviously, I found the best guy for me. He is not perfect, and you better believe that while we dating I was overly concerned about his imperfections (poor guy. I've apologized several times for this), but he is my home. I think back to my former boyfriends and can't picture being with them. Actually, with most of them I have a sigh of relief over not being with them anymore. I'm home with Jordan.
So house hunting has made me appreciate NOT being in the dating scene anymore.I don't miss the worry and critiques that fill up my mind. I miss the regret and the rejection. I don't miss the grief. And I do hope to find a good house for us, though we are taking a little break from looking before we put ourselves "back on the market". In the meantime, I'll just hang out with our apartment, who is always around and will never go away, but I will happily leave when something better comes along. Poor friend-zoned apartment.
That was the first time when I seriously thought about buying a house. When our friends came and excitedly told us about the houses they were looking at, they exclaimed, "The houses around here are great! Our monthly payment will be LESS than what we pay on rent now!"
I put house hunting on the back burner of my brain for a while. Our Europe trip in May came and went (which I am STILL working on blogging about). In June, I started to really think about buying a home. We were going to be in OKC for a few more years, at least. We were hoping to have at least one kid in the next few years, and I have desperately wanted a dog since we were newly weds. We talked to the mortgage guy (or at least that is what I call him, I know he is not technically a broker), and ran some numbers and other adultish things. Our friends gave us the name of a realtor they used and loved, and we contacted her. We applied for a loan and got approved. My realtor started emailing pictures of houses. As Liz Lemon would say, "Things [were] happening!"
Jordan and I went out to a few houses in the area of town we want to live in with our realtor. She showed us about ten houses. Each house, there were things that I didn't love. Jordan is fairly easy to please. The very first house we looked at, he declared that he loved it and be happy to make an offer. I, on the hand, was thinking, "Huh...we'd have to paint this and that, that laundry room is small, the den doors are so dated, we would have to do SOMETHING to the front yard, etc." Jordan suggested that I was being too picky, and I responded, "I just want to find the best house for us!"
Then we found a lovely house. It was right in the neighborhood we liked. Jordan could still walk to work. The community was gated. The inside of the house was lovely. Once again, Jordan loved it, and once again, I liked it a lot and made a mental check list of all of its flaws.
A few days later, we discussed the houses we had seen and decided that the lovely house would be the one. We scheduled one more visit to it with our realtor, and after critically walking through it, I agreed that the house was wonderful and perfect for us. We made our offer (which was a bit lower than the asking price). The next day, our realtor called us and said that the owners had received a second offer on the house, but they wanted to the house to go to a nice young couple, so they were wondering if we could change our offer. We asked the owners to give us a counter offer. They gave us one, which was still a little more than we wanted to pay. We did our research of other houses in the neighborhood, as well as what their taxes were in 2012, yadda yadda yadda, and felt that the house was worth quite of much as they were asking. So we counter offered. For the next few days, our realtor called us and said that the owners really wanted to have the house be bought by a nice young family for their neighbors sake, and felt that we could be the ones, but they weren't sure about our offer. We gave another offer that was a little higher, and waited. We offered to have our contract extended to give them time to move. All the while, my realtor kept saying, " They really like you guys."
I spent that week day dreaming about paint, parties, and where I would put my furniture. I started to get so excited about "our house" and how wonderful it would be. Then, on Monday evening. our realtor called us and said, "Well, the other couple offered to pay cash and all of the closing costs for the house, so the owners are going with them." My heart sank. She excitedly told me, "But we will find you the PERFECT house! It happens all the time. I had a guy who lost four houses he put offers on and how he in the perfect house!" I thanked her for her help, went to my bedroom, and cried. And cried. And cried.
Why didn't we just accept their first counter offer? Why did I have to be so worried about the money? Why didn't we make an offer earlier? Why did I have to be so weird about the house at first? These were all thoughts that ran though my head for several days. My realtor began emailing me more houses to look at, and all I thought as I looked through their pictures was I hate ALL of these! I just want MY house!
I told Jordan that I just needed to focus on all the stuff that I hated about the house initially, and then I could feel better. It had a weird master bedroom layout. The front yard was too big and would take forever to mow. The den's floor was kinda weird. But the more I thought about the flaws, the less impact they had on me. I just missed our house.
Our realtor texted me a few days later asking if any of the houses she sent looked appealing and asked if I wanted to see any houses. I told her that I was still mourning our lost house, and I just needed to take a break for looking for a little bit. She texted how she just knew our perfect house was our there somewhere.
Let me tell, ya. House hunting is exactly like dating. For me, at least. Back in my single days, I was pretty picky with boys I would go out with. He doesn't seem to care about his future career. He is bald. He's got this annoying habit where he says, "That's groovy". He's too sarcastic. He is too serious. The critiques went on and on. Many were justifiable. Some were more shallow. For me, once I started dating a boy for a while, I was usually pretty reserved as far as making any commitment goes. The idea of being exclusive scared me. Usually once I became exclusive with a boy, I started to panic and their flaws would magnify. And then, in way or another, almost every relationship (which weren't very many) would end with me crying for days. I would worry about what I did to change their mind. The "if only's" and the "why didn't I's" would flood through my brain. And all my ex-boyfriends' annoying flaws seemed to disappear from my memory. When I would go out with a guy shortly after a break up, I would just think, I don't like this guy. I miss so-and-so. HE'S who I belong with. I've ruined everything.
But obviously, I found the best guy for me. He is not perfect, and you better believe that while we dating I was overly concerned about his imperfections (poor guy. I've apologized several times for this), but he is my home. I think back to my former boyfriends and can't picture being with them. Actually, with most of them I have a sigh of relief over not being with them anymore. I'm home with Jordan.
So house hunting has made me appreciate NOT being in the dating scene anymore.I don't miss the worry and critiques that fill up my mind. I miss the regret and the rejection. I don't miss the grief. And I do hope to find a good house for us, though we are taking a little break from looking before we put ourselves "back on the market". In the meantime, I'll just hang out with our apartment, who is always around and will never go away, but I will happily leave when something better comes along. Poor friend-zoned apartment.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Two weeks
In two weeks from today, we will be landing in Frankfurt, Germany.
In three weeks from today, we will be at the Louvre in Paris.
In four weeks from today, we will strolling the ancient streets of Rome.
In five weeks, I will be back in Oklahoma City, most likely dreaming of Europe in the day and staying up all night due to jet lag.
We. Can't. Wait.
In three weeks from today, we will be at the Louvre in Paris.
In four weeks from today, we will strolling the ancient streets of Rome.
In five weeks, I will be back in Oklahoma City, most likely dreaming of Europe in the day and staying up all night due to jet lag.
We. Can't. Wait.
Monday, April 1, 2013
30 Before 30
Today I turn 27. Wow. I know that’s not really all that old, but it’s weird to turn 27 when
I feel like I am still 18. I think that is fairly common.
Twenty-six was a good age, overall. I told Jordan I graded
it as a B+. There was a lot of crappy things that happened when I was 26
(grandpa passing away, Boise Thanksgiving ending, Obama winning, getting sick,
racking up fun hospital bills), but there were also some pretty great times as
well (seeing my family pretty regularly, quitting my job, earning my LCSW, traveling
to Seattle, Vermont, Utah, and Tucson). All in all, it’s been a nice year.
With my twenties tapering off, I decided to set some goals.
I am creating a “30 before 30” list, which is a list of 30 goals that I want to
achieve before I am the big 3-0. I shamelessly stole this idea from other
bloggers,
I am also cheating a bit. I can’t really think of 30 goals
to do before I am 30 starting NOW! That would 30 goals to complete in 36
months, and a lot of these goals will take more time than that. So instead, I
am making a list of 30 goals I HAVE WANTED to meet by the time I am 30, meaning
some of these goals were already goals of mine that I have met. Don’t like it?
That’s ok, just like the ol’ saying goes- “go ahead and cry over spilled milk”…or
something.
Some of these goals seem dumb, but they are all important to
me. So heeeeere we go!
30 Before 30 List
Due Date: April 1 2016
- Obtain my MSW (done and done).
- Become an LCSW (check!)
- Become a home owner
- Become a dog owner (if this one doesn’t happen by the time I’m 30, I will be a very sad 30 year old indeed)
- Become a mother
- Go to Europe (Tickets are purchased!)
- Take Jordan to Hawaii
- Read the Harry Potter books (I’m sure NONE of my family members think this one will happen)
- Sew a dress
- Become a certified home study adoption worker
- Complete at least one home study for a family
- Go scuba diving
- See the show Wicked
- Write a book (not a novel- just a children’s book. I highly doubt I’ll ever get published, but I think it would be fun to complete a book for the sake of doing it)
- Go skiing with Jordan (we’ve NEVER been together)
- Run a half marathon
- Pay for a stranger’s groceries anonymously
- Pay for a stranger’s meal anonymously
- Take a voice lesson
- Take a piano lesson
- Take a dance lesson
- Sing a solo (Done. I did this for the first time since primary two Easters ago. It was terrifying. Perhaps I could do it again.)
- Participate in a flash mob
- Get a pedicure (I’ve never had one before. I’m embarrassed by my feet.)
- Read Jesus The Christ
- Throw a party. Not just a get together, but a real party.
- Eat at the Crab Pot in Seattle (Done, and delicious)
- Finish a scrap book about Jordan and my courtship
- Give a lecture (whether as a guest speaker, teacher, etc)
- Learn how to moon walk.
I will be periodically (most
likely annually) updating this list to show which goals I’ve met and my status for the others. Here’s to a great year of being 27, as well as three fantastic final
years in my 20’s!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Let's dust off the ol' blog.
Can everyone join me in a big, fat sigh of relief?
*siiiiiigh*
This morning, I took my LCSW exam...and passed! I am THRILLED! This dang thing has been on the back of my mind for about 6 months, and more heavily pounding my entire brain for the past month. I've been pounding practice questions, practice tests, pages of notes, and horrendiously boring study guides all day for a while, and I am happy to be done. (And, I must say, I kinda rocked it.)
Not to be super pitiful, but I am so excited mainly because there was always a small part of me that was not sure if I would ever make it this far. I remember when I was at BYU and I applied to the BSW program, I felt that it would be no big surprise if I didn't get in. When I did get into the BSW program and began applying to graduate schools, a part of me was bracing myself for not getting into any grad school at all. When I got accepted by two (and denied by UW, my now permanent enemy (sorry Andy and Dad)), a part of me still wondered if I would be able to handle it. When I finally graduated with my MSW and got a job, that same part of me wondered if I would ever REALLY become an LCSW. Now, when I look back at my social work road, I wish I would have just thought, "Yeah, I can do this, and I am going to!" without any doubt or fear. Hindsight is 20/20, I suppose, but I am going to try to stop picking on myself when it comes to career choices and changes.
ANYWAY, now that the LCSW exam if complete, I can actually use my time to do other, more exciting things....like blogging. :) I plan to catch up on this dang thing now that my hours are free and I am still not employed (which I LOVE, btw). Stay tuned for more updates....with pictures (because I've been told by some siblings that they only like blog posts with pictures).
*siiiiiigh*
This morning, I took my LCSW exam...and passed! I am THRILLED! This dang thing has been on the back of my mind for about 6 months, and more heavily pounding my entire brain for the past month. I've been pounding practice questions, practice tests, pages of notes, and horrendiously boring study guides all day for a while, and I am happy to be done. (And, I must say, I kinda rocked it.)
Not to be super pitiful, but I am so excited mainly because there was always a small part of me that was not sure if I would ever make it this far. I remember when I was at BYU and I applied to the BSW program, I felt that it would be no big surprise if I didn't get in. When I did get into the BSW program and began applying to graduate schools, a part of me was bracing myself for not getting into any grad school at all. When I got accepted by two (and denied by UW, my now permanent enemy (sorry Andy and Dad)), a part of me still wondered if I would be able to handle it. When I finally graduated with my MSW and got a job, that same part of me wondered if I would ever REALLY become an LCSW. Now, when I look back at my social work road, I wish I would have just thought, "Yeah, I can do this, and I am going to!" without any doubt or fear. Hindsight is 20/20, I suppose, but I am going to try to stop picking on myself when it comes to career choices and changes.
ANYWAY, now that the LCSW exam if complete, I can actually use my time to do other, more exciting things....like blogging. :) I plan to catch up on this dang thing now that my hours are free and I am still not employed (which I LOVE, btw). Stay tuned for more updates....with pictures (because I've been told by some siblings that they only like blog posts with pictures).
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