How House Hunting is Exactly Like Dating

In April, Jordan and I had some friends stay with us for a few days. They were moving to OKC to stat a residency and wanted to find a place to live before their move. When Jordan told me about their plan to stay with us to look for a home, I said, "Hey, they should move into OUR apartment complex! That would be fun." Jordan replied, "Yeah, I told them that, but they said that they wanted to buy a house."

That was the first time when I seriously thought about buying a house. When our friends came and excitedly told us about the houses they were looking at, they exclaimed, "The houses around here are great! Our monthly payment will be LESS than what we pay on rent now!"

I put house hunting on the back burner of my brain for a while. Our Europe trip in May came and went (which I am STILL working on blogging about). In June, I started to really think about buying a home. We were going to be in OKC for a few more years, at least. We were hoping to have at least one kid in the next few years, and I have desperately wanted a dog since we were newly weds. We talked to the mortgage guy (or at least that is what I call him, I know he is not technically a broker), and ran some numbers and other adultish things. Our friends gave us the name of a realtor they used and loved, and we contacted her. We applied for a loan and got approved. My realtor started emailing pictures of houses. As Liz Lemon would say, "Things [were] happening!"

Jordan and I went out to a few houses in the area of town we want to live in with our realtor. She showed us about ten houses. Each house, there were things that I didn't love. Jordan is fairly easy to please. The very first house we looked at, he declared that he loved it and be happy to make an offer. I, on the hand, was thinking, "Huh...we'd have to paint this and that, that laundry room is small, the den doors are so dated, we would have to do SOMETHING to the front yard, etc." Jordan suggested that I was being too picky, and I responded, "I just want to find the best house for us!"

Then we found a lovely house. It was right in the neighborhood we liked. Jordan could still walk to work. The community was gated. The inside of the house was lovely. Once again, Jordan loved it, and once again, I liked it a lot and made a mental check list of all of its flaws.

A few days later, we discussed the houses we had seen and decided that the lovely house would be the one. We scheduled one more visit to it with our realtor, and after critically walking through it, I agreed that the house was wonderful and perfect for us. We made our offer (which was a bit lower than the asking price). The next day, our realtor called us and said that the owners had received a second offer on the house, but they wanted to the house to go to a nice young couple, so they were wondering if we could change our offer. We asked the owners to give us a counter offer. They gave us one, which was still  a little more than we wanted to pay. We did our research of other houses in the neighborhood, as well as what their taxes were in 2012, yadda yadda yadda, and felt that the house was worth quite of much as they were asking. So we counter offered. For the next few days, our realtor called us and said that the owners really wanted to have the house be bought by a nice young family for their neighbors sake, and felt that we could be the ones, but they weren't sure about our offer. We gave another offer that was a little higher, and waited. We offered to have our contract extended to give them time to move. All the while, my realtor kept saying, " They really like you guys."

I spent that week day dreaming about paint, parties, and where I would put my furniture. I started to get so excited about "our house" and how wonderful it would  be. Then, on Monday evening. our realtor called us and said, "Well, the other couple offered to pay cash and all of the closing costs for the house, so the owners are going with them." My heart sank. She excitedly told me, "But we will find you the PERFECT house! It happens all the time. I had a guy who lost four houses he put offers on and how he in the perfect house!" I thanked her for her help, went to my bedroom, and cried. And cried. And cried.

Why didn't we just accept their first counter offer? Why did I have to be so worried about the money? Why didn't we make an offer earlier? Why did I have to be so weird about the house at first? These were all thoughts that ran though my head for several days. My realtor began emailing me more houses to look at, and all I thought as I looked through their pictures was I hate ALL of these! I just want MY house!

I told Jordan that I just needed to focus on all the stuff that I hated about the house initially, and then I could feel better. It had a weird master bedroom layout. The front yard was too big and would take forever to mow. The den's floor was kinda weird. But the more I thought about the flaws, the less impact they had on me. I just missed our house.

Our realtor texted me a few days later asking if any of the houses she sent looked appealing and asked if I wanted to see any houses. I told her that I was still mourning our lost house, and I just needed to take a break for looking for a little bit. She texted how she just knew our perfect house was our there somewhere.

Let me tell, ya. House hunting is exactly like dating. For me, at least. Back in my single days, I was pretty picky with boys I would go out with. He doesn't seem to care about his future career. He is bald. He's got this annoying habit where he says, "That's groovy". He's too sarcastic. He is too serious. The critiques went on and on. Many were justifiable. Some were more shallow.  For me, once I started dating a boy for a while, I was usually pretty reserved as far as making any commitment goes. The idea of being exclusive scared me. Usually once I became exclusive with a boy, I started to panic and their flaws would magnify. And then, in way or another, almost every relationship (which weren't very many) would end with me crying for days. I would worry about what I did to change their mind. The "if only's" and the "why didn't I's" would flood through my brain. And all my ex-boyfriends' annoying flaws seemed to disappear from my memory. When I would go out with a guy shortly after a break up, I would just think, I don't like this guy. I miss so-and-so. HE'S who I belong with. I've ruined everything.

But obviously, I found the best guy for me. He is not perfect, and you better believe that while we dating I was overly concerned about his imperfections (poor guy. I've apologized several times for this), but he is my home. I think back to my former boyfriends and can't picture being with them. Actually, with most of them I have a sigh of relief over not being with them anymore. I'm home with Jordan.

So house hunting has made me appreciate NOT being in the dating scene anymore.I don't miss the worry and critiques that fill up my mind. I miss the regret and the rejection. I don't miss the grief.  And I do hope to find a good house for us, though we are taking a little break from looking before we put ourselves "back  on the market". In the meantime, I'll just hang out with our apartment, who is always around and will never go away, but I will happily leave when something better comes along. Poor friend-zoned apartment.