Monday, February 24, 2014

Guest post

Hello, Baby here! And yes, I do have a laptop that I can type on in the womb, thanks for asking.

I thought I would pop in and say "Hi" to everyone since my mom keeps talking about me. Geez, does that lady have anything better to do than obsess over me, delivery, and nesting? Answer: No.

I am excited to enter the world outside of my mom's abdomen, but I'm in no hurry. I've actually been pretty successful at keeping myself entertained in here. Here are a few games I've made up:

Game #1: I call this game "Suckuh!" It's where I move, kick, punch, and roll like crazy until I hear Mom say, "Holy crap, Jordan! This kid is so wiggly. Quick- feel my stomach!" As soon I feel the pressure of Dad's hand on her stomach, I stay perfectly still for several minutes. Suckuh! They fall for it every time.

Game #2: I call it "Wake Up!" When my vessel has been sedentary for a while, it usually means my mom fell asleep. Who does she think she is, the Queen of England?! She can sleep when she's dead. So the game is played by seeing how many kicks I can do before she wakes up and turns over. Sometimes she wins and falls back asleep, but sometimes I win where I don't give up moving.

I also have been enjoying the room service..or shall I say WOMB service? Heehee....oh c'mon. That's a good joke for a baby. In the mood for chocolate cake? I just have to send some weird vibe and soon enough, I'll hear Mom say, "It's so weird- I HATE chocolate cake!" That's when I know room service will be here soon. Recently, I've been on a big chocolate kick. When chocolate is denied, I usually just demand it even more. Mom usually gives in. And like clockwork, she always says the same thing: "But I don't even LIKE chocolate all that much." That lady is so predictable. But I know baby can't live on chocolate alone, so sometimes I mix it up by asking for cold pepperoni or pretzel sticks. Hey, don't judge me. Once I'm out of the womb, I get no say in what I eat for a long time.

Anyway, I look forward to meeting most of you soon. I'm still deciding on how to make my grand entrance...break the water when my mom is shopping at Target? Start and stop contractions over and over? Try to start the party at 3 am? The possibilities are endless!


Friday, February 21, 2014

Full Term, Baby!

Yesterday was my 37 week date, so I am technically in early full term. Crazy! Time has simply flown by!

For that last few days, I have been feeling like a ticking time bomb. I had no reason to think that my baby was going to come soon, but I know that when someone delivers at 3 weeks early or less, it doesn't seem like a big deal. Plus, on Tuesday I went to the zoo with a bunch of friends, and a few commented on how all the walking I did that day could possibly jump start labor. So yeah, labor has been on my mind.

To my relief, at my doctor's appointment on Wednesday, my doctor gave me my first cervical exam (which I naively thought would be similar to a pap smear....NOPE). He told me that I was not at all dilated or effaced. He said he fully expected to see me at my weekly appointment next week. FINE WITH ME. Jordan and I are in no hurry for the baby to come.

Now for my periodical good, hard, and entertaining:

The Good: Surprisingly, in many ways I feel a little better than I did at week 30. My sleep has actually improved quite a bit. I still have occasional nights where I only get about 4 hours of sleep, but more often than not I am getting about 7 hours. We did get a new mattress this week, which I think has been helping.

Another good thing is that I still have not suffered from heart burn. I have had many a girlfriend complain about the pregnancy burn, but I've been in the clear for the most part. My energy is pretty good (especially during my witching hours of 10 pm-1 am) and I am not in pain during the day. Sure, mobility is difficult and Iget out of breath super easily, but my back never hurts me.

Some GREAT news is that the baby is no longer breech. For the past two weeks he has been head down. Ah, sweet relief. It makes such a difference to have an occasional kick to the ribs instead of a huge skull lodged there. Also, while our baby is still very active, he has less room to throw punches and kicks so his movements are becoming less uncomfortable.

The Hard: The worst symptom of pregnancy has been my carpal tunnel syndrome. My fingers look like hotdogs and it hurts to bend my fingers and make a fist, especially in the morning. Also, my hands and fingers CONSTANTLY tingle, as if their circulation has been cut off. It is horribly annoying. I hate the feeling, and it only gets worse when I use my hands for things. Applying make up feels awful, as well as typing on the computer or my phone. Yuck. And lifting hand weights or doing exercises on my hands is no longer possible.  In the morning I will have a sharp pain in my wrists, but that at least goes away during the day.

My face has also been subjected to the pregnancy swell. I miss my old nose, cheeks, and chin. It's hard to see my face so swollen and there's nothing I can really do about it.

Also, the saddest thing about pregnancy is....stretch marks. Despite all my dry brushing, exfoliation, cocoa butter, vitamin E oil, olive oil, sweet almond oil, massaging, and drinking tons of fluids...they came just the same. I feel like the Grinch. They are not very noticeable  yet, and they are small, but I know a lot can change in a few weeks. Sometimes you just can't beat genetics.

The entertaining: Despite being pregnant for 8 months now, and despite carrying around 35+ extra pounds, sometimes I forget how big I am. When I'm somewhere I need to pass (like between two people or between a chair and a table), my mind goes into pre-pregnancy mode. I'll try to squeeze past something, only to get stuck or lodged. "Oh, yeah.....I'm huge."

Another current entertaining aspect is working in primary while pregnant. I am the first counselor in our primary presidency, and this month I have been in charge of sharing time. I can tell that all the kids are staring right at my belly during sharing time. It's cute to see the kids so interested in my baby. It's also cute to see them connect spiritual dots when it comes to my baby. For example, last week in sharing time I was discussing the Plan of Salvation, and set it up as a travel guide for our spirits. We start in heaven, then we go to earth to get a body, and then travel back to Heaven ( in simple terms). The kids raised their hands and asked, "So, your baby is traveling right now!" or "Where is your baby right now? On Earth or Heaven?" Which I think is a very good question. It's fun to see them think.

Now, to end with some updated pictures of me and the bump.

Here I am now:

Oh, wait. That's Shrek. Oh, well. Close enough. Most days this is what I think I look like...except that green skin.

Here's 33 weeks:

And here I am  tonight. 

Three more weeks to go! AUGH!!!!!!

Sunday, February 16, 2014


One common theme has repeated itself when I am talking to people. Everyone assumes I am miserable. For example, at church, I've heard the following:

"Oh, you look like you are just ready to be DONE!"

"You have 5 more weeks? I bet you wish it was now, huh?"

"You poor thing"

"Are you just counting down the days?"

"Oh, you look like you're about to pop. Are you hanging in there?"

When I saw talking to someone last week, she sympathetically asked, "So are you just MISERABLE?"

When I was walking casually in Hobby Lobby, a sales clerk frowned and said, "Oh, bless your heart!"

Frankly, it's driving me a little crazy. Let the record show that during all these interactions, I was either sitting comfortably, walking normally, standing normally, and often times smiling. There was no instance where I was dramatically waddling or clutching my chest in agony.

I know people mean well. I know they are trying to be nice. But enough is enough! I am certainly less comfortable now than I was when I wasn't pregnant, but my big ol' body is quite manageable in its current state. When I think of times when I truly was miserable (kidney surgery recovery is the first thing that comes to mind), this time of pregnancy seems like a breeze. And though my second trimester was definitely my favorite, I strongly prefer the third trimester to the first one. Misery seems to better describe the first 13 weeks of pregnancy where looking at billboard with a burger on it made me want to puke.

I guess this post is a little bit of a rant and also a reminder to myself to never comment on how a woman must not be enjoying life when she is pregnant, unless she says so. The end.

Monday, February 10, 2014


People who "hate" Valentine's Day bug me.