A Death in the Family

When I was 13, I was trying to gain some independence and declared that I needed my own alarm clock. I think it was because I was starting to primp more for school in the morning around this time. I honestly don't remember. But I do recall absolutely needing my own alarm clock.

My dad took me to Fred Meyer's one evening to their electronics department. Back in those days, a HUGE portion of the electronics section was reserved for various alarm clocks. My, how times have changed. We checked out a few various clocks (ones with way high-tech features like a radio! Oooooh), and then I saw it. It was the Wacky Wake-up. And it needed to be mine.

This was no ordinary alarm clock, folks. Aside from its radio feature, it had "wacky" numbers. See how they are crooked? GENIUS! But more importantly, instead of having a beeping or buzzing alarm, it had seven different voices that would wake you up. For example, one was a stereotypical Indian accent that said, "Up, up! It's time to get up! Get out of bed with you!" Or there was the stereotypical Italian-American mobster voice that said, "I once had an Uncle At'ny. Each time his alarm went off, he hit snooze. 'Time to get up'- SNOOZE! 'Time to get up'- SNOOZE....now he's the LATE Uncle At'ny." You get the idea. To add to its wackiness, after each voice would state its monologue, the clock would make a random sound, such as a a jackhammer, a dripping water fountain, etc. In the store, it was amazing! We bought and it took it home. Then in the morning I realized something- "wacky" sounds and voices are TERRIBLE TO WAKE UP TO AT 6 A.M.! Still, I kept the clock.

The Wacky Wake-Up stayed with me through high school and college. My poor roommates had to endure it. I never trusted my cell phone alarm. Then I got married, and the clock came with me to Oklahoma. Jordan hated it, of course, but I didn't care. It was my special, annoying clock.

Sadly, over the past few months, the clock's voices became increasingly muffled, and the clock was unable to stay on time. It would gradually add minutes to the time despite no one touching it. Jordan continuously made the valid point that it was officially useless (a clock that won't tell time- sounds like something from the Island of Misfit Toys), and that it needed to be unplugged. For some reason, I was very hesitant to do it. I've always been guilty of being a little sentimental over things, and the dumb alarm clock was no exception. But, when we moved to our new home, I finally realized it was time.

RIP, Wacky Wake-UP and your seven different annoying personalities. You will be strangely and unexplainably missed.